I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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