It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
