I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish life had little blips of pornography
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
