remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
How does it feel to date your dad?
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
