I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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