just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
