Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
