Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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