I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
