i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
