he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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