just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
