Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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