Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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