As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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