awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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