Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
The air was thick with penises
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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