If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
i think my mom watched the whole time
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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