she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
