It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
