I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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