Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize