If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
tell me about the eggs
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
