Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
