She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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