so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
