If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
ttyl tear gas
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
