I wish I could teleport
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
