The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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