Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
