I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
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