I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
