the condom got lost in my hair
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
