this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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