Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
