$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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