Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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