I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
