I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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