3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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