Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
