so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
