did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
