the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
