I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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