I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
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