All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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