this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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