apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
