twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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