my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think I am morally bankrupt
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
