there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
