I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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