I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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