I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
