is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Randomize
