i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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