Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize