that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
