3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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