sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
