Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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