Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Randomize
