I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
