Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
there was a trapeze. enough said
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
