I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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