Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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