That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
