i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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