i barfeds in our rink
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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