I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
